Friday, November 28, 2008
Stupido
4 weeks back I saw a little dog follow my mom and me, instinctively I turned around and said, “Hey, Stupido.” But this wasn’t Stupido; it was tan colored dog, almost the same size as her, but not her. So I turned and decided not to look back at the mutt, it followed us for a while but then went its own way. The same weekend, I saw a lady on our street hitting a really tiny puppy. Initially I thought it was their puppy so I decided to mind my own business. But when the beatings continued and the pup kept crying, I just had to go and find out what was happening. Turned out the puppy was a stray and was “scaring” the aunty ji. I picked it up got it home, fed it, put it in a cardboard box and the chappie was christened CROCKERY, that was the label on the carton and thus the name. We tucked him in the box for the night. When we woke up in the morning, Crockery was gone. No amount of searching helped. In a way I guess it was good that he left, but on the other hand he is such a tiny guy, I wonder if he will survive. But then again these strays are survivors aren’t they? But even they could do with an occasional treat or pat on the head to know that they are wanted and are welcome in this world.
P.S: I never meant to blog about Stupido, as much as I loved her she has probably been my most favorite stray pup. When you see the pup all happy and fine around you, you don’t think beyond that. I never did. It was only on two occasions that I cried into my pillow thinking that I love Fenny so much. One: when I read Marley and Me and the second time after Stupido.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Fly Away Birdie
Sunday, November 9, 2008
My Tenants
When summer came they built their nest out on the terrace and when it rained they were back in my room. After their second monsoon in my room they decided I was harmless. They used to fly closer to me, follow me when they weren’t busy with the nest. They knew they had a free reign in the house. I occupy the first floor. It’s got the room and the study. Initially the birds wouldn’t venture outside the room but they soon started flying around in the study as well. They used to sit on the monitor and watch me when I was doing my work or when I was just studying. I never shooed them, they probably thought I was the coolest human on the planet.
Once when I woke up I could see from the corner of my eye that the silly, stupid, sparrow was sitting on my pillow watching me closely, next to me was Fenny. Now I know Fenny is a sweetheart and she would do nobody any harm unless she knew they were a threat to us or her. So Fenny just stared at bird; bird stared back at Fenny, the next thing I know Fenny is back snoozing, now who would have thought she’d react like that!
This is my 9th sem and the birds have now taken over the whole of the first floor, now I don’t have one pair but two pairs of birds building their nests up stairs, one in my bathroom and the other in the study. They aren’t all that quiet any more. When I’m ironing my uniform in the morning they start bickering and no amount of shouting “shut-up” stops them from bickering. I think the women keep nagging their hubbie birds about “how nice their nest is”. But in the evenings when they are done for the day the couples take their positions on the bathroom and study room window sills respectively and glide away to lala land and alls quite till the sun comes up and I wake up to the screeching of my friendly tenants.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Begining...
When I went to stay at my grand uncle's place for a week I was planning on having fun and generally lazing around reading his collection of comics. Once I got there I was welcomed with a ferocious bark and then felt something furry going around me in circles. I was trembling from head to toe and I didn't dare open my eyes. My grand Uncle tied Ruff and only after that I stopped shaking and went inside the house. I had my lunch and was reading a book in the hall, when my grand uncle decided that it was time Ruff and I became friends. He went out and freed Ruff who came bounding into the hall and made a bee line at me. I have never been that frightened ever, he came close sniffed me and then jumped straight at me and licked my face with his tail going whush-whush. Very hesitatingly I pet him on the head and he took it as an indication that I liked him and within minutes I was giving him a belly rub and he was chewing my toes and licking my face all over again. That moment on we became inseperable.Wherever I went I took him with me, I watched him eat drink and play I was still slightly scared of the fact that he was such a big dog. When he put his paws on my shoulder he was over a foot taller than me! But by the next day I was sure that he would do me no harm at all. Like all other dogs he also begged, when reprimanded he went to a corner and continued staring at the food till there was a visible pool of drool where he was sitting. He knew he'd gained an accomplice in me, he would sit right under my chair and I’d slyly drop him a few tid bits. When my grand uncle was cutting fruits he took a portion and mashed them and gave it to Ruff who cleaned his bowl in one long slurpy lick. That was the first time I’d seen a dog eating mangos and bananas. How can a dog tell you what it wants? Obviously it can't so you give it what you eat, and if your dog likes it you know its ok to give them what you eat. It was after meeting ruff, that I began hankering after my parents for a dog.
Dogs are such wonderful creatures and if you treat them with just a wee little bit of affection, you have made a friend for life for sure. There is so much one can learn from them, but the best trait that they possess that we humans fear possessing is unconditionality. You yell at them and they'll come back wagging their tails at you, as if you did no wrong. Some of my non dog lover friends say that unconditionality that dogs show is pathetic. But, if you have a dog at home just try this, yell at him/her and watch them come back to you. Trust me you'll be way too ashamed of yourself to have yelled at them. The second thing I love about dogs is that, they cannot talk, and yet express their feelings so explicitly. They also have their emotional radar on at all times. If ever they notice the slightest change they'll be right next to you, and the sense of relief to know that you have them next to you inexpressible. When you come back home all tired and disgruntled there is this furry bundle waiting just for you and when they come rushing at you, you just forget everything and that in itself is such a joy. They definitely lighten your baggage. They also are extremely good judge of character, and this I have learnt from experience. So having a canine pet in your house is probably the best thing that can happen to you… at least it is so for me.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
A Furry Tale
It's natural that people find certain insects and animals scary I don't blame them. I wasn't, but what made me more compassionate towards them was Ruskin Bond he truly manages to drive all your fears of all creepy crawlies away. There is one story of his where he be friends a squirrel and I'd always wanted a squirrel for a pet, when I say a pet I don't mean anything that would include a cage but just enough friendship so that the squirrel would be trusting enough to come and take some treats from me. It didn't seem like a possibility, no amount of sitting still under a tree, or ground nuts scattered around the base of the tree to lure the furry creatures worked. Then one day when I was just about to go to school I saw this little thing on our drive way and when I first looked at it I thought it was a baby rat, on closer inspection I realised it was a baby squirrel! It was being preyed on by red ants, my friend and I got rid of the ants and put the little thing in a box a layer of cotton to keep it comfy. Now my friend and I had no idea as to what we were to do next we couldn't just leave it so we took it school with us and as was expected many voiced there concern and some came up with excellent ideas of how to feed it and get it healthy. On my way home i got a syringe and once I reached I fed the little thing diluted milk. It fortunately drank it. Baby squirrels are so soft and cute and this one had fallen from a height, and being a baby it naturally was very delicate, and I'm sure it was definitely injured. But I decided not to dwell much on what would happen, so again in the evening I fed it. Later when I checked on it, there was no movement and so I touched it and it did not move at all.
It saddened me so much, I didn't even get to know the blessed thing, but what little I did get to know I'd liked. I Dug it a little grave under a coconut tree and laid it to rest.( I hoped the other squirrel members would come pay their respects to it) But since that day I only used to leave some nuts scattered under trees and not wait around for any of them. Knowing that they ate it was enough. Such brief attachments would cause so much grief was something I hadn't anticipated.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
The Wimp, The Roach Stars and a MURDER.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination
J.K. Rowling
Copyright June 2008
As prepared for delivery
President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates,
The first thing I would like to say is 'thank you.' Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I've experienced at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and fool myself into believing I am at the world's best-educated Harry Potter convention.
Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can't remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard. You see? If all you remember in years to come is the 'gay wizard' joke, I've still come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step towards personal improvement.
Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that has expired between that day and this.
I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called 'real life', I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination. These might seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.
Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.
I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that could never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension.
They had hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents' car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor. I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.
I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.
What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure. At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers. I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment. However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person's idea of success, so high have you already flown academically.
Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.
Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.
The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.
Given a time machine or a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone's total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.
You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation.
In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared. One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working in the research department at Amnesty International's headquarters in London.
There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.
Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government. Visitors to our office included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had been forced to leave behind. I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child.
I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just given him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country's regime, his mother had been seized and executed.
Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone. Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.
And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.
Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.
Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people's minds, imagine themselves into other people's places. Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise. And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know. I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.
What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy. One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.
That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people's lives simply by existing.
But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people's lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world's only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.
If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.
I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children's godparents, the people to whom I've been able to turn in times of trouble, friends who have been kind enough not to sue me when I've used their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.
So today, I can wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:
As a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.
I wish you all very good lives.
Thank you very much.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Dear Mukta Ajji,
During summer holidays I spent most of my time in her house.We spent the day just talking. We'd talk a LOT. She'd tell me her experiences as a child, she was 10 years old when the Titanic sank, she was married when she completed metric and had to move to Mysore. As a new bride she had to help around the house, which left her litle time to indulge in her hobbies which were reading and painting. So she used to stay up late at night to paint. Her paintings were like photographs, she would capture all the intricate details of a scene or still life. One of my favourite paintings was the one she drew of the Temple tree. I particularly like it because it had a story behind it.Which goes like this --> The street on which we live, was the same on which R.K.Narayan used to stay. Outside his house grew a Temple tree and ajji sat right across his compound to paint it. R.K.Narayan came out and asked ajji what she was doing and she showed him. He was impressed with her painting, and told her he'd give her a copy of his latest book if she'd give him her painting. They agreed. Personally i don't think Mukta Ajji ever wanted to part with her painting so the exchange never happened.
She used to tell me about the time she spent in the Mysore Palace in attendance with the queen for tea and all the pretentious talk they had to exchange thanks to Ajji's husband's position. She enjoyed playing chess and was also a trained dancer and also played the veena. According to her, these were pre requisites for every girl back then. She couldn't rebel against it so she embraced it and enjoyed every bit of learning the arts. One evening after our daily session i went home and after a while there was this strange smell in my room and i kept complaining to my parents about it and they dismissed me. After an hour the whole house had the strange smell it was a really faint smell of chlorine but enough to make me want to step out. On stepping out of the house it was evident that every house on our street was aware of the chlorine leak which was traced to the water works behind our street. I decided to go check on ajji and as was expected she was up and out wanting to know what was happening. I told her and a couple of other kids also joined us. So while other people were out enjoying all commotion ajji wanted to step inside and start a game with us kids. She asked each of us to do something, i volunteered to deliver a speech I'd learnt, another kid sang and when all of us were done we looked at Ajji and being the sport that she always was she did a few Bharatnatyam steps( she could still do so in the aramandi position).
A few days after that i came home and i knew that something was wrong. I'd visited ajji in the evening but the uneasy feeling still persisted. My mom came and told me that ajji had a heart attack and that she was hospitalised. The next day on my way back home I decided to drop in at the hospital. She was in the ICU. I'd never realised how frail she actually was, I did that day and I couldn't bring myself to face the fact that she might not return home. I didn't feel like visiting her again. I hate hospitals and the whole atmosphere makes me uneasy so I stalled my visit. A fortnight later when i visited her she was all cheery and chirpy as a bird. She related her experience and was ready to get out of the hospital. She stayed there for over 2 months. By which time she had the nurses and doctors singing to her tune. She called her self a ball that would bounce back no matter what. After this instance i ensured that i don't miss even a single evening in her company. So come rain come shine i was there.
In June 2003 she had a fall which resulted in a broken femur. After that she was bed ridden for a while and had been asked to use the walker. Fenny and I used to visit her. Fenny served as a distraction from what was bothering ajji. Ajji hated it that she couldn't sit up to paint, or read for long or even walk on her own. But what She hated most was depending on someone to do what she'd been doing for the past hundred years. The fact that she had to, brought a change in her attitude. For the first time she told me that, she had no friends her own age. I reminded her that she'd bounce back, come what may. She had too. After all she'd survived a heart attack at 98.
19.10.2003 around 6:15 my woke me up to tell em that Ajji was no more. It took more than an hour and a half for the words to sink in. When it finally did I ran to her house to find her lying still. She looked so calm and peaceful, she had a slight smile on her face. To me she looked like she was sleeping, I was waiting for her to open her eyes and say." Hey! can't i still play a good prank?" So I waited and when that didn't happen I knelt down and kissed her cheek. I stood back and this time when i looked i knew she wouldn't be waking up and the dam burst. I cried, I don't know for how long. I remember that day like it is today. i believed she'd out live me! Silly of me, I know. I guess it was selfish of me to want her live on. But she does live on. She's a part of some of my best memories. That is something no one can take away. Today is her birthday. She'd have been 106 today. (Happy Birthday)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
My Special Best Friends...
There was this one time I saw a tiny pup crying in the middle of the road and no amount of petting would stop it. I picked it and put in my cycle basket. I had a ladybird cycle and the basket served its purpose well. I took it home and announced that I'd got home a pet and that we all just have to accept it and be nice to the poor thing. I went on advocating as to why we have to keep the pup.I Described to my mom the circumstances under which I'd found it and how I just couldn't leave it there and pretend that the puppy was no concern of mine. You'd think mothers would buy this and say, "Yes, bring the puppy in, I'm glad you did what you did." But ooooooooh noooooooo, my mom placed an ultimatum, she said," get in without the mutt or get out with the mutt." No amount of puppy sad faces, pouting or telling that "god is watching YOU" would make my mom change her stand. I took the puppy to Peetu and the kind hearted guy that he was, happily took the mutt into his circle.
I also remember having this cranky neighbour who despised children. My friends and I used to play this crazy game and sometimes the ball would land in cranky aunty's precious garden. There were these two ferocious dogs that they had. No one dared to go retrieve the ball. The next day we'd find the ball cut into half stuffed with kitchen waste. ( The lady was a sadist!) It was about time we devised our revenge. I took the initiative of "trying" to befriend the dogs. I started by giving them tit bits and letting them know I was no threat to them or their house. But they were smart, they didn't let me step into the compound without making a loud announcement of my attempts to trespass. Then came the day, my mom had to visit the lady's house and I offered to accompany her. When we entered the dogs began with their barking. My mom went in and I decided to hang around outside still trying to attempt a friendship. Then uncle came out and introduced me as a friend to the dogs. They then let me pet them and he allowed me to play with them.(He he he) The opportunity to test our friendship came really soon, the ball landed in cranky aunty's garden amidst her precious begonias. I whistled to the dogs and they came running, I said one magic word, "fetch" and voila! I Had the ball back. The dogs started enjoying this game session with us kids and since then cranky aunty never cut or rather never had an opportunity to stuff our compound with her kitchen waste. Oh if she ever discovers...
Monday, May 12, 2008
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XI and XII standard are probably the most defining years of ones life. You start taking responsibility for yourself. You take the reins in your hand and start planning your future. In my case, I was not sure about what I wanted. When people asked me what I wanted to do, I'd say law, journalism or veterinary sciences. But when my classmates were asked the same each one had one option. There were a few who even knew which college they wanted. There was this one guy who'd charted out his future, he knew what he wanted to study, he knew when he'd marry and when he'd have children, he had his whole life planned and ready for execution. So out of the 35 students in my class, I was living on the ideology of "life is a box of chocolates you never know which one you are going to get". Planning wasn't an option for me, I just decided that time will decide the road I'd take. When my friends were busy gearing up for IIT/JEE I was learning new expletives, living in the fantasy world of Harry Potter and yes, doing my bit of social service to the animal kingdom. Each one was busy with their own thing, each doing whatever it took to meet their goals. Even before the boards I had a very laid back attitude and it showed! I was the black sheep of my class. I'm not really proud of the way I handled things. I showed lack of maturity. I mean it was my future at hand and I hadn't given it any thought. So what was my reaction when I realised that my future was a blur and even I couldn't tell what my next move was to be? In short, I became the most insecure person on the planet, felt super insignificant, and every person who had a plan seemed to tower right over me. Everything around me became an intimidating factor. For someone who made the first move to talk to strangers, I became bumbling blunder when talking to my own friends. I really did not want to talk to anyone. I did not want to see, know or have anything to do with my friends.
In all this mess, while I was trying to make sense of my life my parents did what I never thought they'd do in a million years. We got home a little wonder that my family calls Fenny. She is a family dog alright, but she's mine. I really needed a change, and needed a diversion from all this mess. Fenny was the ONLY answer to all that happened later. I really, really, really don't know what I'd have done, had she not been a part of my life. She became my first responsibility. I had a little pup to take care of. It's not an easy task, but it was one I did not mind doing. I don't know what it is about animals but they sure are therapeutic and they are there for you the way nobody else could ever be. I am not really comfortable talking about my fears, but it was easy to tell it all out to Fenny. I used to clown around, crack jokes about my own mess to make my friends feel that nothing had affected me and that I am still the same old carefree person they all knew. I still do that at times. I guess there are somethings one never forgets. Now every time I start something new, or I have to take an important decision about something, I ALWAYS remind myself that I don't want to walk down the messy road again.
What I did gain out of all that happened, was:
a) a perfect pet, Fenny
b) a family that I knew I could depend on anytime(they were always there)
c) friends who I know will last a life time :)
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Kitty…
In our old house my room was on the ground floor. I used to leave the windows open in the evening for Fenny, she loves sitting on my bed and looking out of the window. One day after a really long afternoon nap I woke up to find a small black bundle at my feet. I thought it was Fenny, but then this black fur ball was really small. I switched on the lights and to my surprise, sleeping on my bed was a black kitten. I don’t really like cats all that much. I poked the bundle, the little thing looked at me mewed and curled back to sleep. I poked it again, and again and then it finally got up and stretched and yawned then looked at me as if expecting an explanation for disturbing it. All this while Fenny my puppy was sitting on the other bed observing this new visitor. She didn’t bark or attack the cat, for which I was thankful. I picked the cat and it was so skinny and frail and the silly eyes did it all. Instead of throwing it out I let it sleep. When I went to check on it a little later it was gone. I guess it understood that we already had a pet at home, which might prove to be a threat to her, so it left as silently as it came. So I guess I had a cat as a pet for a few hours:)
Monday, April 28, 2008
Happy Campers
When in first year of law, 10 students from our college were sent to a leadership camp. The gist of the camping experience is that, the resource persons tried to break our ego’s, made us questions our goals, and we did get to do a few fun things too. We were made to walk the Burma Bridge, which was much easier than multi wire traversing. There was also a nice pond in the camping area and we were warned not to swim there. So the day we were kayaking, we were given a task, which we were to do on our kayaks. Our team was without oars so two members had to maneuver the kayak to its destination while two sat in it as passengers all this was to be done without us talking. For the first few minutes the whole exercise seemed to be going right and suddenly chaos broke loose. I had been eying the pond since we got to the camp. For this task we were made to wear the life jackets, which only made me uncomfortable. Taking advantage of the chaos I removed the safety jacket and started swimming. The resource persons had no option but to allow everybody to take a dip. There were 10 other students from another college, and one girl from that college was petrified of water, her kayak had catapulted and she was in the water screeching her lungs out, I decided to go help her. (!) I held on to her arm to help her get to dry land and that ungrateful creature pushed my head under the water (I wasn’t expecting that) so I just left her hand and let the resource person take over. But after this chaotic incident a meeting was called where we were told to get into dry clothes and were then driven off to a village called Megni. On reaching Megni, we were again divided into groups and me the unluckiest of all was sent off with this other guy to a villager’s house. There we were told that we would have to earn our meal by working for them. It was already 8pm when we reached the village, and I hadn’t had anything to eat since lunch, and all the exercise in water had made me hungry. So I was all set for dinner, only to be told by the family that they don’t eat dinner but just breakfast and lunch. Then we were led to the kitchen. The other guy who was my teammate was TOTALLY useless. Since we were not having dinner he enquired about breakfast, the lady said she’d be preparing akki rotti (Rice dosa). But they hadn’t yet ground the rice. So “I” had to grind the rice on an antique grinder with my silly teammate criticizing my methodology. It took me 2 ½ hours to finish that. I was really very happy to finally sleep.
Next morning we had to wake up at 4 and start watering the garden sans hose. Remember the heavy pots? Yeah… had to use that to pour water. Not being used to carrying that I had to fill half the pot for each trip. I’ve never enjoyed breakfast the way I did that morning! Later we had to go into the forest to collect firewood and dry leaves. When “firewood” was mentioned, I could imagine pieces of wood cut neatly in a pile. But that wasn’t to be! We had to haul a tree trunk ( not exaggerating) all the way back to the village with a basket of dry leaves hanging on our backs. For lunch we had unpolished rice, curds and pickle. The family also had a pet dog named Raju, who was our constant companion. I was told he was very notorious as he had a tendency to have a biting spree. But he and I hit it off pretty well. Which surprised the family very much. In the evening a vehicle came to collect us. We bid good-bye to the family and headed for the camp. What happened there later is just not relevant. We stayed on at the camp for two more days, and knowing that it would come to an end and that I’d be on my way home soon was the only thing that kept me going for the last two days. Finally at the bus stop my friends and I heaved a happy sigh. Our journey back was uneventful and even if anything did happen I was oblivious to it.Thursday, April 24, 2008
Last Rites
My brother and I always buried any dead insect we found. The usual victims of calamities were ants. They would either be stepped on or sat on. For some unfortunate ants, their last memory would probably be of looking right into a big black pupil. Scrutinizing ants is a tough thing; you never see one alive if you are 3 years old while doing so. I’ve learnt that ants are always at the wrong place at the wrong time. They are lucky that there are plenty of them still around the world. So we took the dead ants to the “burial ground”, which was a little spot in our garden.
We always wanted to “cremate” the ants. As we were both still really small, matchboxes were a Big No! No! Then one day my brother discovered the utilities of a magnifying glass. We carried our loot of dead ants to the terrace and gathered leaves and made a tiny pyre and then let the magnifying glass do its magic. Of course such happy moments never last long, what with parents stalking us like we were criminals!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
INSECTOPIA
A jar with some sand and lots of grass was my idea of an ideal set up to keep grasshoppers and ladybugs. Whenever I went out to the park I would look out for them and pick the ones I thought were the nicest and put them in the jar. I did this daily and soon I had a very colorful collection of ladybugs and a bunch of irate grasshoppers who always tried to escape. It failed to hit me that, maybe these hoppers didn’t like their new home. A few days later my mom advised me not to add more insects to the jar. So I stopped, only to notice on the very same day that there was a hopper in the jar that wasn’t moving. I removed it from the jar and inspected it closely, there was no movement and for once it wasn’t trying to escape. I carried my precious jar downstairs and set all the bugs free, and buried the dead one.
I knew then that I needed to start with a much smaller pet and I saw this red ant climbing the wall. I picked it. I had been warned not to go near them. But really how painful could an ant bite be? I soon discovered and discarded my “prospective” pet in fury.
It was obvious that trying to hold any creature captive without knowing the proper know how would only result in tragedy. I decided instead that I'll just befriend them and set them free after playing with them. I developed a knack for catching roaches. Initially i used to pick them and throw them out. But when i discovered that my brother didn't like them all that much, it gave me cheap thrills to scare him. Holding a cockroach by its antennae and running around the house after my brother bring back fond memories;)
Sunday, April 20, 2008
A Lizard's Tail
Curiosity in kids is obvious and I was super curious as a kid. I liked catching bugs, insects and any creepy crawly creature. When I was 3 years old my interests in four legged and some eight-legged creatures was encouraged by my dad. My very first attempts at having a pet failed miserably. I had a fascination for lizards, and so I wanted one as a pet. Having decided that, I had to figure out how I would catch one. I didn’t think I had to consult anyone about trapping lizards so I decided to catch one my own way. So I ran after them, chased them, climbed the furniture trying to reach them but all failed. Then one day I saw this really fat happy looking lizard crawling on the floor and the next instant it was on my palm. Then it began its struggle, so I tried to get a grip on it and held it by the tail and the next thing I know the lizard’s tail was in my hand and the rest of it was escaping. The tail fluttered on my palm with what little life it had in it and then stopped. I didn’t tell anyone about this. ( I pretty much convinced my self of having killed it.) I thought the other remains of the lizard would be found by someone else.
A few days later I thought it was time to ask my dad the exact manner of catching a lizard. He said I could do so by trying to delicately hold it right below its neck. I tried, but I always thought that the lizard would bite me. (!!!) So I resumed my old method of catching them by the tail and well, you can imagine that ours was probably the only house which had lizards without tails for quite some time : )