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Monday, May 12, 2008

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XI and XII standard are probably the most defining years of ones life. You start taking responsibility for yourself. You take the reins in your hand and start planning your future. In my case, I was not sure about what I wanted. When people asked me what I wanted to do, I'd say law, journalism or veterinary sciences. But when my classmates were asked the same each one had one option. There were a few who even knew which college they wanted. There was this one guy who'd charted out his future, he knew what he wanted to study, he knew when he'd marry and when he'd have children, he had his whole life planned and ready for execution. So out of the 35 students in my class, I was living on the ideology of "life is a box of chocolates you never know which one you are going to get". Planning wasn't an option for me, I just decided that time will decide the road I'd take. When my friends were busy gearing up for IIT/JEE I was learning new expletives, living in the fantasy world of Harry Potter and yes, doing my bit of social service to the animal kingdom. Each one was busy with their own thing, each doing whatever it took to meet their goals. Even before the boards I had a very laid back attitude and it showed! I was the black sheep of my class. I'm not really proud of the way I handled things. I showed lack of maturity. I mean it was my future at hand and I hadn't given it any thought. So what was my reaction when I realised that my future was a blur and even I couldn't tell what my next move was to be? In short, I became the most insecure person on the planet, felt super insignificant, and every person who had a plan seemed to tower right over me. Everything around me became an intimidating factor. For someone who made the first move to talk to strangers, I became bumbling blunder when talking to my own friends. I really did not want to talk to anyone. I did not want to see, know or have anything to do with my friends.

In all this mess, while I was trying to make sense of my life my parents did what I never thought they'd do in a million years. We got home a little wonder that my family calls Fenny. She is a family dog alright, but she's mine. I really needed a change, and needed a diversion from all this mess. Fenny was the ONLY answer to all that happened later. I really, really, really don't know what I'd have done, had she not been a part of my life. She became my first responsibility. I had a little pup to take care of. It's not an easy task, but it was one I did not mind doing. I don't know what it is about animals but they sure are therapeutic and they are there for you the way nobody else could ever be. I am not really comfortable talking about my fears, but it was easy to tell it all out to Fenny. I used to clown around, crack jokes about my own mess to make my friends feel that nothing had affected me and that I am still the same old carefree person they all knew. I still do that at times. I guess there are somethings one never forgets. Now every time I start something new, or I have to take an important decision about something, I ALWAYS remind myself that I don't want to walk down the messy road again.
What I did gain out of all that happened, was:

a) a perfect pet, Fenny
b) a family that I knew I could depend on anytime(they were always there)
c) friends who I know will last a life time :)